SophistiKatie

Hazard Lights

2007-01-08T22:46:00.000-07:00

It's snowing. That's not a hazard douchebag...

You think you're the only one on the road who's driving in sh*tty conditions? Well, you're not. You're just the asshole who thinks that having your hazards blinking is going to magically protect you from danger.

You're wrong. Turn off your f*cking hazard lights.. Oh, but "Safety First" right? Well, maybe you think YOU'RE safer. But you're making everyone else hate life. All your stupid lights do is create blinking glare on everyone's windsheilds. And their not safety lights, they're HAZARD lights..

If you're driving with your hazards on, you better be going 15 miles an hour on the shoulder with a serious f*cking problem. Not keeping up with traffic without a care in the world... DOUCHEBAGS...

Toilet Seats Can't Hurt You

2006-12-24T22:31:00.000-07:00

I HATE toilet seat covers. What is WRONG with you? Are you THAT bored? Are you THAT afraid?

If you seriously think that you can get some disease from a toilet seat, your F*CKING CRAZY.

Just stay home, because if you think a permeable sheet of tissue paper is going to protect you from anything, you're a complete retard.

Worst case scenario... There's piss all over the toilet seat. If you use a toilet seat cover, it soaks up the urine, and your ass STILL gets piss all over it.

And you know, I'm a victim of toilet seat crimes. I actually sat in SH*T in a porta-potty. Yeah, sh*t. Somebody else's SH*T. And you know what, I think about that day and all I can think is "Jesus, if only I had put down some toilet paper. If I could just go back and cover that sh*t with some absorbent paper, maybe it would have saved me." Sure.

The truth is, I wish the person who shit all over the seat hadn't been so God damned paranoid about "disease" because if they were F*CKING normal, they would have sat the f*ck down, and taken a sh*t , IN THE HOLE, like everybody else.

Toilet seat covers encourage people to shit and piss all over toilet seats. They enforce the idea that there is something dirty about toilet seats, so you f*cking sheep hover and spray your waste all over the once sanitary surface, ruining days for SANE people.

THERE IS NOTHING ON A TOILET SEAT THAT IS GOING TO HURT YOU.

Maybe I'M the crazy one. Maybe tissue really can protect you from bacteria or infectious diseases. I guess that's why doctors operate with tissue paper gloves. And when someone has ebola, they put them in a tissue paper hut so that they don't infect anyone else. And the army makes their bulletproof armor out of tissue paper. Maybe tissue paper can pretty much protect you from anything.

So when you're opening your christmas gifts, save all of that valuable tissue paper, because it could mean the difference between life or death.

Logic is totally wasted on people ruled by fear...

Denial

2006-12-14T21:03:00.000-07:00

Get over yourself. Yes, you.

None of us is perfect. We ALL f*ck up. We ALL have problems.

Fix them.

Then you'll have new problems, and still not be perfect.

But at least you'll be out of denial.

I can deal with people with issues, because we ALL have issues. I can't deal with people who have issues and refuse to admit it.

Actually, I REALLY hate it when they admit they have issues, but won't do anything to help remedy said issues.

Therapy isn't so bad. Look at those nice chaps in the photo, having a chit chat... Now why is that so scary?

Probably because they're twins.. Just one of them is wearing glasses.. I guess it is kind of creepy.

I always thought it was scripted..

2006-11-28T22:36:00.000-07:00

but now that I think about it, maybe the scenarios on Jerry Springer really DO happen in real life..

It's just sad. I feel true compassion for people who f*ck up their lives with simple things. Maybe they have low self-esteem, maybe they're lonely. Maybe they just don't know how to cope with the cards they've been dealt. Either way, it's so sad to see people circling the drain, and just trying to hold on.

I'd like to think that I wasn't right there with them, and that I work hard to avoid that downward spiral. One day I woke up and realized that life doesn't just happen to me, and I had to take responsibility for where I was in my life, and stop blaming everyone/everything else. MY choices and MY decisions were the cause of my unhappiness. While it sounds very humbling, realizing that your choices shape your life is also very empowering.

Hell, maybe I'm not all empowered and "on the right track". Maybe there are folks out there writing blogs about me. But I'm on a journey.

If you're willing to get f*cked over and over and over, disregard this call to action, but I just want to encourage all of us to stop and THINK about the consequences of our actions. THINK about whether or not what you're doing could potentially F you in the A. Please. PLEASE.

I am thinking about this because I see these patterns happening to people in my life. People I love and care about. I hate that feeling when you hear that something awful, yet totally preventable happens. I just shake my head and I used to feel angry, but now my eyes just fill up with tears, and I worry, and try to trust that things will be okay. But it's getting harder to have that faith.

Luckily, other people's bad decisions rarely hurt me or interfere with my life. And even though I'm disappointed, I would rather feel sad than be indifferent. I would rather be angry than apathetic. At least when you're sad or angry, you maintain some faith in humanity.

I love the people in my life, be they friends or family. I want the best for them, but that's not enough. THEY need to want the best for them, too. I just want them to do right by themselves, no matter how inconvenient or uncomfortable that may be. It is a lot easier to blame life for happening to you, but the consequences and pain last exponentially longer.

If you want the best for yourself, get out of denial. It hurts, but the pain of accepting your mistakes is not any worse than lying to yourself. And once you accept them, they go away. You're human and you f*ck up, accept it and forgive yourself for your mistakes. Forgiveness is freedom to make mistakes, just try to learn from them. It's a beautiful thing.

So one last note about Jerry Springer... We all know it's fake, but those things REALLY do happen to people. And we like to sit on the couch and look down our noses at them, but really, they've just made some really bad decisions. And when it happens to someone you love, hopefully you'll feel compassion for them, because they're just lost children, looking for someone to love them and fill their void, and that's the saddest thing I can think of.

I Don't Want To Date Him

2006-11-24T18:04:00.000-07:00

This friend of mine is seeing a new girl.

A bit of history..

We've known eachother for about 7 years. We dated for about 2 months of that seven years, which roughly translates into 2.38% of the entire time we've known eachother. I'm not too good at math, so I may be off.. Either way, our "romance" didn't work, and we've recovered gracefully, and maintained an honest and supportive friendship. We have a bunch of mutual friends, and everything is cool with everyone.

About the girl...

This new girl is intelligent, responsible and has a great personality. She is friends with all of my friends, and I've always liked her. I approve wholeheartedly. She's exactly the kind of girl I would reccomend for him.

I'm thankful that for once he's not dating a stupid bitch. His former girls were crazy or possessive or totally dysfuctional. One time, he dated this girl who was living with her boyfriend and dating him at the same time. Any good friend would discourage that, myself included. And he's always objected to all of the sh*t-caked relationships I've been in.

Of all the girls in the universe, I would be the last girl to do anything to ruin this guy's current relationship. I won't lie, I love him. He's my best friend. But, that in NO WAY means I want to date him or hook up with him or do anything to jeapordize this. I'm not a threat. I'm on her side, I am rooting for her, all in favor say yay... yay.

It's the aforementioned stupid bitches she's gotta watch out for. Nevertheless, she's uncomfortable with me hanging out.

Now, let's ignore the 82 months that we DIDN'T date, and focus on the 2 months that we did. This happened this past summer, so while most people would assume that the relationship is a fresh wound in our minds and hearts, in actuality, the reasons for ending the relationship are most prominent. Those two months are proof that the other 82 months were far superior. It took 6 and a half years for anything to happen, so scientifically, this girl has until 2012 to start worrying about any problems.

I respect that she doesn't want me around. And I will do my best to stay at a distance. But I can't guarantee that we're going to stop hanging out together. That's not fair. I just wanted all of us to be cool. I don't want there to be problems. I don't want her to be uncomfortable and I don't want him to feel guilty. There has to be a better way, because this sucks.

Dancing With The Stars

2006-10-03T20:19:00.000-06:00

They call it Dancing With The Stars.

I call it: "Hey, Do You Have the Remote?"

Adult Temper Tantrums

2006-06-15T09:31:00.000-06:00

When a grown man gets all pissed off and starts throwing things or punching walls, I want to shoot myself. I can't think of anything more retarted. Seriously.

The thing is, they don't do it when they're alone. They do it in plain sight, or they're loud enough so that someone will turn around and pay attention to their temper tantrum.

I have no patience for reactionaries.

Popularity Sucks

2006-06-14T11:01:00.000-06:00

I was just thinking about people who want to be super famous or popular, without ever considering the consequences. For that reason, I've compiled a couple of lists. The first is a list of people who were VERY popular at one time, and now we've all realized how much they suck. And the second, a list of people whose popularity fucked them in the ass.

People Who Probably Shouldn't Have Been That Popular

* Adolph Hitler, Political Leader of the Nazi Party, Total Douchebag.
* Charles Manson, Leader of "The Family", Murder Mastermind, Real Piece of Work.
* Michael Jackson, Pop Icon, Tot-fucker.
* Fidel Castro, Prime Minister of Cuba, Commie.
* George W. Bush, 43rd and Current President of the United States, 'nuff said.
* John Wayne Gacy, Community Leader, Party clown, Serial killer.
* Anakin Skywalker, Jedi, became Darth Vader.

People Whose Popularity Fucked Them In The Ass

* John F. Kennedy, 35th President of the United States, done in.
* Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States, see above.
* Charles Lindburgh, Aviator, his son was kidnapped and murdered.
* Jesus, Central figure of Christianity, crucified, subject of all my jokes.
* John Lennon, Pop Icon, see John F. Kennedy & Abraham Lincoln.
* Robert Kennedy, see John F. Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln and John Lennon.
* Princess Diana, Princess of Wales, cancelled her subscription to "Life" magazine.
* Tupac Shakur, Gangsta Rapper, sheeeeit some muthafucka came and capped his ass.
* Notorios B.I.G., Gangsta Rapper, see Tupac Shakur.
* Any number of astronauts and Kennedys.

Foods I F*cking Hate

2006-06-13T10:24:00.000-06:00

* Sweet Gherkins. Satan's penises, as I like to call them.
* Sweet Potatoes.
* Quiche.
* Spaghettios or canned ravioli.
* Canned peas.
* Coleslaw.
* Potato salad.
* White Gravy.
* Radishes.
* Dill.
* Cilantro. Soapy f*cking food spoiling cilantro.
* Caraway seed.
* Thousand Island dressing.
* Icing. Or Crisco and sugar, more accurately. F*cking disgusting.
* Miracle Whip.
* 3 Musketeers.
* Red Delicious Apples. What a misnomer. Any word but delicious would work. Grainy, waxy, bland, shitty. "Red Shitty" gives a better summary of their taste.

F*cking Motorcyclists

2005-10-31T12:35:00.000-07:00

There is NOTHING cool about this picture.

Fat guys on motorcycles... Jesus F*cking Christ. Are you kidding me?

Why is it, that the most unattractive people in the world are driving vehicles that give them the most exposure? Nobody wants to see that.

And by the way, leather just adds salt to the wound. Its only function is to remind us that you're not just disgusting, you're sweaty too.

I HATE motorcycles. The idea of a motorcycle is smart; fuel efficient, great power distribution, you get to be outdoors... Yet, for some reason, the ingenuity and efficiency aren't the first things that come to mind when I see this guy:

You know what comes to mind when I see that guy? Gastroenteritis.

And the sound...the GOD DAMNED f*cking sound. Not only are all of you HIDEOUS..you have an ugly alarm.

Dear GOD, please don't let these two procreate.

Eeew...

2005-10-26T18:25:00.000-06:00

Jan, you've outdone yourself.

Quit Dragging Your Feet

2005-09-26T13:39:00.000-06:00

Is it REALLY that hard to pick up your feet when you walk?

I go to UNM everyday, and it always seems to happen, that some a$$hole starts walking behind me, dragging his/her feet.

I never considered picking up my feet as a talent, or unique quality..but apparently, I'm rather skilled.

Oh, and here's an open comment to the 'skater shoe' movement. Tie your shoes you f*cking degenerates...

Texas Shmexas

2005-07-28T00:30:00.000-06:00

I want to make it known that I fully intend on messing with Texas.

"Don't Mess with Texas" began as an anti-litter campaign. Somehow it turned into a 'Texas pride' thing. I'm going to go ahead, and let the cat out of the bag..

NOBODY wants to mess with Texas. Nobody.

I'm pretty sure that Texas is at the bottom of the 'Places to Mess With' list. (It appears that London is currently in first place.)

The slogan really should be "Texans, Don't Mess with Everywhere Else."

That's really a more accurate evaluation of threats. A swarm of Texans infesting any number of quaint Colorado mountain towns is essentially guaranteed.

Whereas, a drove of foreigners invading Witchita Falls is highly unlikely and improbable.

So Texas, you have nothing to worry about.

These Guys are Rich...

2005-07-20T09:48:00.000-06:00

I'm going to be fair here and say I've never really sat and listened to Slipknot's music...

That being said, I find it mentally taxing to try and think of something more retarted than a pack of douchebags running around in masks. And I can't really blame Slipknot because there are quite a few packs of douchebags running around in masks and/or facepaint, i.e. Insane Clown Posse, Marilyn Manson, Mushroom Head, etc.

And people fall for this sh*t. There are actually people out there that think this sh*t is really cool. There are gimmicks...and then there are douchebags. These bands represent what it means to be a douchebag.

Here are some other things that are welcome in the brotherhood of 'Douchebagdom':

1. Fratboys.
2. People with cartoon character tattoos.
3. Fratboys with cartoon character tattoos.

There's Been a Mix Up

2005-07-19T09:59:00.000-06:00

Just so you know, this doesn't mean 'rebel'.

It means 'I'm a racist dick'.

I guess it could mean like 'rebellious racist' if you had lots of tattoos or something.

But it mostly just means 'I'm a racist dick'.

This Is Not Nam, There Are Rules.

2005-05-23T08:55:00.000-06:00

Why is it, that nobody knows how to use a f*cking stop sign? The rules are really very simple. Everyone in Albuquerque gets to stop signs, and just sits there and waves people on. Or, my personal favorite. They stop when there's no stop sign.

Jesus f*cking Christ.

Perhaps we need to review the laws governing stop signs.

If you get there first, you go first. It doesn't matter what direction you're going, or if you're turning. If you get there first, you have the right of way.

It's really very simple, that's the beauty of it. So don't f*cking wave me along, because it's just going to piss me off, because you're an idiot.

Now, here's the kicker. If we get there at the same exact second in time, and we are directly across from each other, the person going straight or turning right, goes first. And if we're both going straight or turning right, we can go at the very same time! If you happen to be turning left, you just wait. Hence, the necessity for turning signals.

If we get there at the exact same second in time, and say there are three of us, the rightmost person goes first. This is the most difficult situation you will ever face at a stop sign. If you can master this skill, you will be prepared for any stop sign you may encounter on your journey through life.

The Game has no Game

2005-05-20T15:50:00.000-06:00

Left to Right: Me, The Game and Leah.

He might be famous...but that doesn't mean he's not a giant douchebag.

He asked us, "Can I press your boobs up on my six pack?" Idiot.

I swear to God, I didn't even think about the post that preceded this one. Pure coincidence, and freaking hilarious.

It's about 90-f*cking-5 degrees here today. And it's only going to get hotter. I can't complain, it will help me prepare for fire and brimstone, which is assuredly my eternal destiny.

I Hate Thugs

2005-04-18T12:19:00.000-06:00

There was a gun battle in my neighborhood yesterday. I was on the phone and I heard all these gun shots. Really makes me realize how much I hate little thugs.

Fu*king gangster Fu*ks. I hate little thug gangster bastards. Disrespectful, destructive, sh*t-in-their-own-beds scum of the fu*king Earth.

I hate that they think they're so intimidating.
I hate their little "rebel" attitudes.
I hate that they think their little guns are frightening.
I hate their stupid 1972 Chrysler Fifth Avenues with bad emissions.
I hate the way they stand with their stupid hands on their stupid chests.
I hate their stupid decals of a Fedora with mad dogs and a fu manchu.
I hate their sh*tty music.
I hate the rattle that comes from the subwoofer in their 1985 Buick.
I hate the way they walk, like one leg is 2 inches shorter than the other.
I hate their fu*king Raiders jerseys.
I hate their stupid hairnets.
I hate their STUPID f*cking clothing from Terry's.
I hate their stupid tattoos of stupid sh*t.
I hate their tres flores, shiny scalp, greasy ass hair.
I hate how they either drive too fu*king fast, or too fu*king slow.
I hate the way they drive leaned over towards the middle of their cars.
I hate their fake gold pot leaf necklace.
I hate the way they hang stupid sh*t from their rearview mirrors.
I hate their fu*king gang names i.e. Droopy and anything that follows Lil'.
I hate the way they park at Church's chicken like it's a fu*king car show.
I hate their stupid fu*king moustaches.

I hate little thug gangster fu*cks.

The Unthinkable

2005-04-15T16:06:00.000-06:00

I did the unthinkable. I posted a picture of my dogs. I'm only going to say this once, then you'll never have to hear me say it again: They're perfect. (In every way)

One last thing, Kirk Cameron is a chode-burger. He has a show on TBN called something like "The Way of the Master." I know what you're thinking, a show by that name shouldn't be on Christian television? My thoughts exactly.

Music Nerds

2005-04-13T13:00:00.000-06:00

If you own this shirt, kill yourself.

This music catalog has been floating around my office for a couple months. It is quite an accumulation of stupid sh*t. Probably the largest collection I've come across. It makes me want to set the building on fire.

There is a tie, made out of a washboard. The caption reads, "it's a portable party. Where else can you find a gift that's both a fashion statement and an instrument?" Wow. You have to be seriously retarded to wear this thing to a party. And if you DO wear this thing to a party, and your greeted with laughter...That's just perverse.

If you click the post title, it will link you right to their website. So you can get your very own, "I toot da flute" or "Hold me, I'm a fermata" t-shirt. Or perhaps you're interested in a chuckle-inspiring Johannes Brahms bobblehead, a must-have for any music lover. Whatever your pleasure, I'm sure they have the perfect piece of sh*t for your taste.

Good news, since I cleaned up my language, my Google ads came back. If you only knew how difficult it was to write this post without swear words...

Man, I wish I could go back. I'd take state.

2005-04-06T00:10:00.000-06:00

I'm going to make an effort to post everyday. But today's not the day.

'Nuff said.

I Met Foreigner

2005-03-28T11:15:00.000-07:00

This may sound cheesy, but Saturday night was one of the greatest nights of my life.

I met Foreigner, not the original Foreigner, but founder and creator, Mick Jones. Most of the band members have been touring for quite some time.

Wow. I was so excited. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

Really a shame that Lou Gramm wasn't with them. The new lead singer is a chodeburger. He's super animated. He did motions. For example, during Head Games, he'd point at his head. What a dork. Don't get me wrong, he can sing. And he can play one hell of a mic stand guitar. Jesus.

They were so nice to us. I was totally at ease. We hung out for a while. Cracked jokes, messed around. Mick Jones said I was funny, I could put that on my resume.

What a great weekend.

My House Sucks

2005-03-24T10:30:00.000-07:00

It's been a while.

Spring break is over. I'm painting my house. My friend Ashley is coming to town. Foreigner is this weekend.

Let me tell you about painting my house.

My house is, how do you say...a real fixer upper.

The carpet in my bedroom is magenta. The walls are avacado. Magenta and avacado...need I say more?

Obviously, the previous owner walked into UglyFuck Home Liquidators, and bought the cheapest carpet remnants. As far as the paint color, there's no explaining that.

So since paint is cheaper than carpet, I am trying to make my room look halfway decent, which is a challenge. I'll post a photo of the completed project.

I have a feeling that I am going to be disappointed.

Luck O' The Irish

2005-03-17T14:30:00.000-07:00

Well, happy St. Patrick's day.

I thought this picture was perfect for today's post. Besides, is there anything funnier than leprechauns? Really?

Today, the volunteers at work put together this huge feast for the employees. It was awesome, but it left me feeling a little confused. They're the volunteers, they don't get paid, and they're feeding us? Ah, fuck 'em...free food!

I got dressed this morning, and much to my dismay; I don't have any green clothes.

(Not that I really give a shit.)

But knowing that someone could potentially use my lack of green clothing as an excuse to touch me, I accessorized.

One last thought: If 'butterfly' is in your email address, or blog title or anything of that nature, you're a big sandy vagina.

Scalded Crotch

2005-03-16T19:15:00.000-07:00

Delicious Ramen.

Last night, I poured steamy hot ramen all over my crotch. It wasn't just boiling hot broth. It was boiling hot chile picante broth. I'm a freaking idiot.

Besides that happy news...

I can't necessarily say that my blog is anonymous, so I still have to censor myself. So, just to cover my ass, I am going to say this in the most generic way possible.

Somebody that I must deal with frequently, is a scrotum. He/she is incapable of communicating effectively. Due to his/her communication disability, I wanted to shoot my face off today. I wanted to shoot his/her face off, too. Idiot.

What else? Didn't go snowboarding today. Partly due to the afformentioned scrotum.

I wish I had more to say.

I'm Hot Blooded. Check it and see...

2005-03-09T12:05:00.000-07:00

Foreigner is coming to Albuquerque. Do you know what this means? I will finally get to realize my dream.

I'm a juke box hero, I've got stars in my eyes.

On March 26th, 7:00 p.m, I will be at Route 66 Casino. Just know, that there is nothing on God's green Earth that could keep me from this historical event. So if you're stalking me, there's a heads up.

Besides the event of the century...
One of my dogs pissed in my bed. I was at work and my mom was at my house while I had a fence built. She probably stopped watching them for half a second, and one of those little bastards decided to piss all over my bed.

They didn't just piss on my bed, they pissed on my heart. My heart is saturated with dog piss.

I love my dogs, very much.

But because I care about my readers, this blog will never be one of those blogs. You know those blogs...

"My dog shitforbrains is so wonderful. Today we dressed up as Scottish
bagpipers. Wow, our relationship is so significant. I understand animals
on a much more profound level than you."

Have no fear...

Ghetto Not-So-Fabulous

2005-03-02T16:54:00.000-07:00

Ahh, the ghetto. The glorious, glorious ghetto. It's truly a part of me.

In July, I bought a house in our fair city, Albuquerque. Now, if you've seen Cops in the past 5 years, chances are that at least 50% of the episodes you saw were filmed in Albuquerque. Our mayor had to prohibit Cops from filming here, 'nuff said...

Now, if the producers of Cops were smart, they stuck around my neighborhood, because that's where all the fun shit goes down.

My neighbors are mainly meth-dealing or meth-doing thugs. I see an average of 5 prostitutes a day. The average tooth per mouth ratio is around 6:1. Abandoned shopping carts are the lawn statuary of choice.

Frequently, I have the pleasure of conversing with some of my "colorful" neighbors. By the way, all of these conversations occur when I am opening my gate, when I am most venerable...

Let me introduce you to Reynaldo. Reynaldo is a thug ass drug-dealing punk. He's SO dreamy, but I don't stand a chance because he prefers classy women.

Some timeless Reynaldo quotes:

"Hey, do you want to buy a bike?"
"Hey, do you want to buy some speakers?"

And my very favorite....

"Hey, do you have a crowbar I can borrow?"

Now, while Reynaldo is an ambitious entrepreneur...there's also Alice, another pillar of the community, and Reynaldo's best customer.

I was opening my gate, when I was approached by an absolutely stunning woman..

"Hey, I'm Alice. What's your name?"

"Hi Alice. I'm Katie."

"Cool. Hey, do you have like 5 bucks I can borrow."

Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously, am I missing something? Did farm life skew my reality? Because this shit isn't normal. Jesus fucking Christ.

Whether or not these two have ever appeared on Cops is questionable. Hopefully, when City Hall changes administrations, Cops will return to Albuquerque and Reynaldo and Alice will get their big break.

There's no place like home...

Do Your Part. Send Me Money.

2005-02-28T15:27:00.000-07:00

I am once again poor after my weekend adventure. Although, Wolf Creek was in fine order Sunday. I think yesterday was my favorite day of the season.

Isn't it cruel that one day you can be sliding down a mountain on a stick, and the next day, be sitting at a desk praying for 5 o'clock? Jesus Christ, what a miserable existence.

Oh yeah, I didn't watch the Oscars. Why not? Well, because I'm not a fucking chode.

I'm Rich Bitch

2005-02-26T18:47:00.000-07:00

I am going snowboarding tomorrow. It's college day at Wolf Creek. Nothing is finer than 22 dollar lift tickets.

I am really tired of being super poor. But I got paid on Thursday, which makes me..poor no more.

I get paid weekly, so I really shouldn't complain.

Anyway, my friends are trying to get me to drive tomorrow. But there is one tiny little problem...I drive a fucking Honda.

They drive Subarus and trucks and shit...and they want me to take my 4 cylinder, front wheel drive Honda Accord. Jesus Christ. The only reason they ask me to drive is because they know I'm a trooper. I go with the flow, I charge through, I sacrifice myself for the good of the group.

You know, lately, I haven't been very angry. I know that my posts are better when I am super angry. Like the post about my sister, that shit was hilarious. I should just only drive during rush hour, and stub my toes more often, then I'll be angry...

Bitch goes down...

2005-02-25T15:59:00.000-07:00

There is this security guard that watches the gate at my work. Well, she is a giant bitch. Every other security guard is perfectly pleasant and they do their job well.

This lady has been working here for about 8 months, and is here in the afternoons. She knows who I am, essentially because I am the only 21 year old blond, among droves of 30-something construction workers.

Well, about once a month, she decides to pretend like she's never seen me in her life and I am just some person walking through the gate. The dialog is as follows:

Security Bitch: "Can I help you?"
Me: "Just going to work?"
SB: "Oh, you work here?"
Me: "Sure do."

Then she precedes to ask me things like who I work for, what department do I work in, etc. Even though she sees me everyday...for the past eight months...Jesus fucking Christ...

Well, this happened on Monday. So instead of answering any of her questions, I flashed my badge, and walked right past her.

Then I called her boss. I tattle-tailed.

Nanny-nanny-boo-boo bitch...I told on you.

My Sister is an Asshole

2005-02-14T10:14:00.000-07:00

The Asshole & I

My sister has no respect for anything.

She called me last night to ask if she and her boyfriend could stay at my house. Well, my intuition said "Fuck no," but I try to give her the benefit of the doubt, so I said 'Okay'. I thought it was a rather nice gesture, considering that she lives with my parents, and sharing a bed with some random "boyfriend"...ain't jivin' at my parents house.

Well, needless to say, my intuition was right. My intuition is always fucking right.

She took complete advantage of my hospitality.

They got home from the bar around 12:35. Let's keep in mind that I had to be at work at 8. And she fucking knows it.

Carrying on, they get home. They stand outside smoking a cigarette, right by my bedroom window, talking as loud as they fucking can. Then, they come inside, and fuck on my couch. Of course, there IS a bed, in a bedroom, specifically for my sister to fuck as many dudes as she wants...without getting baby batter on my couch.

This dude is Australian, and he doesn't talk, he yells. I don't think I've ever seen this dude sober.

"G'day mate, I'm abso-bloody-lutely stuffed because you and my sister had naughty all night, so buzz off."

Anyway, I didn't get any sleep because I had to listen to these two go at it all night. Actually, I wish they had literally been fucking all night because that was the only time they made any effort to shut the fuck up.

They took a bath together. My bathtub is all full of wallaby pubes. Not fair dinkum, not fair dinkum at all.

They are still at my house. I tried to throw them out this morning but I had to go to work. I think I will go at lunch and kick them out. I am sure they will have eaten all of my food.

Jesus, my sister is such an asshole. Happy Valentine's Day.

So Tired

2005-02-09T16:27:00.000-07:00

I am so tired today. I really haven't been staying up that late. I think it is just my body's inability to profit from sleep. I never wake up feeling refreshed. I think that is a myth. Everytime I get out of bed, I just want to go back to sleep. And I have been like that since I was a little kid.
And just popping out of bed? That doesn't happen unless it's Christmas or some other great day. That only happens if I am really excited about something.
I have been very busy lately, and it is hard for me to just write something. I could just write something everytime I was at a computer, but that is never the case. I would really prefer to say something of value. But this post, this was a post for the sake of posting.

I Hate the Media

2005-02-01T16:01:00.000-07:00

I think there are some serious problems with the American media.

Our entire media is essentially owned by 5 companies. These companies are Viacom, Disney, Time Warner, NewsCorp and NBC/GE.

So if you think about it, the news we recieve is only what these five companies are willing to report. Isn't that wonderful? That the "public responsibility" of the media is limited to the bias of five major companies?

While some believe that these major conglomorates are the basis of capitalism, I believe that they are the ulitmate anti-thesis of free enterprise. These monopolies crush entreprenuership. It is entreprenuership that fuels the capitolist society. Because of corporate buy-out and equal level competition, entreprenuership is becoming impossible.

I question whether the First Amendmend is being served any longer. Are these companies fulfilling their public responsibility? Is the FCC functioning for the good of the public?

It is interesting because these companies are not necessarily "media" companies. Within these five companies, 23 separate industries are represented. The FCC can only regulate ONE faction of these 23 industries, media.

The airwaves in this country belong to the public. It is the responsibility of the FCC to ensure that these airwaves are being used in a way that benefits the public. Do you believe that they have fulfilled this duty?

And here's the best part...Since these companies own the means of mass communication, they don't cover FCC rulings. Cute. Fucking assholes.

I hate you Rupert Murdoch...and your stupid cartoony name.

Continual Progression

2005-01-26T11:17:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about the election.

2004 was a great year because the country was making a strong effort to move towards positive change. But after the election, we fell apart.

Personally, I lost a great deal of hope after the election. It was incredibly discouraging. To know that the entire year, all of us were motivated and ready to reform the government that was, and still is, in so many ways 'un-American'.

And I know that this is an unpopular opinion. To say that our current administration is 'un-American.'

But the only way an American individual can be 'un-American', is to not participate and take advantage of the rights that our government guarantees.

To be 'un-American' is to NOT question our government. To be 'un-American' is to NOT state your opinions, controversial or not. To be 'un-American' is to NOT petition the government.

The First Amendment to the Constitution guarantees our freedom of speech, religion, right to assemble, freedom of the press, and to petition the government. If we don't take advantage of these rights, we are most certainly 'un-American.'

If you consider your political tenets to be mostly communist, and you practice these tenets and vote accordingly, you are essentially MORE American than one who chooses to ignore the political proceedings of this country.

Flag burning is an activity that is often associated with the concept of being 'un-American.' To me, flag burning is not offensive to a government, but offensive to the American population. I think most people are offended and angered by flag burning. It is that collective anger and passion for our country that makes us Americans.

Merely abiding by our governments laws does not show any true allegiance for our country. It is our desire to cooperatively defend our rights. To be an active force constantly striving for change and progress.

Stephen Baldwin is my Grandma's Homie

2005-01-25T10:37:00.000-07:00

I am having trouble posting lately due to my limited time, but I will get back into the swing of things.

I know that lately everything has been about TBN, and this phase will be over soon enough, but the other day, Stephen Baldwin was on this show.

Apparently he is following in the footsteps of his fellow bankrupt celebrities, i.e. Mr. T, MC Hammer.

Of course, Stephen Baldwin, renowned for his award winning performances in such acclaimed films as Biodome and The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas is an accomplished actor who is well respected among the art community.

I was surprised to see him on TBN, nevertheless, I think he really has a knack for this stuff. He was promoting his Christian skater movie series "Livin' it."

The Livin' It bunch may be coming to a shopping center parking lot near you. So be on the lookout for skater punks handing out Bibles.

I guess Stephen Baldwin really is Half Baked..HA. Pun DEFINITELY intended. I am SO funny!

I really should stop watching this shit. I am going to turn out like my grandma. She started watching TBN about 5 years ago. She donated all this money and bought all these books. Now she's super righteous.

The other day I went to see her and I forgot to bring this bowl that I borrowed. So I said "I meant to bring it, I just forgot."

She looks me dead in the face and said "the road to Hell is paved with good intentions."

Thanks Grandma.

Back in the day, Grandma recognized that a good fart joke could brighten one's day. She swore all the time. She was married to a sailor for Christ's sake. Pete's sake, not Christ's sake, Pete's.

I'm Obsessed with TBN

2005-01-13T14:49:00.000-07:00

After that last post about Jan Crouch, I have been visiting TBN.org regularly. I'm sucked in. The funny thing is that there is nothing glamorous, or even interesting about TBN, but there is no doubt in my mind that I will be tuning in tonight. Those lions, that purple sheath. I LOVE THIS!

Oh, and by the way, MC Hammer's show is on Saturdays from 2-2:30 AM. Primetime. That is some funny shit.

Get Your Liquid Crisco and Praise Jesus

2005-01-11T14:15:00.000-07:00

Eeeww.

I know I'm crazy for giving these people a second of my attention, but I can't help it.

I have always been curious about Jan Crouch. You may not recognize the name, but if you've ever seen her, her face is most unfortunately recognizable. It's understandable that we will never forget her face. We tend to remember horrifying images, ie. parents having sex, pet dog getting hit by car, etc.

I went to her website, smileofachild.org. Click the link on this post, and read her disturbing account of "glory" or "grace" or "jesusness." For mature audiences only. Completely disturbing.

"I began to feel His presence in me, over me, around me-(In fact) it has been 3 hours and I am still feeling His glory like I have NEVER felt)," I've never considered myself to be filthy minded..but holy shit.

She recounts "annointing herself" with oil, and encourages us to do the same.

" Give Jesus your 1st fruits in the A.M. Read His love letters to us. Get your anointing oil (even liquid Crisco works – ask my children).Anoint yourself. Get your little garden area – a closet – the garage – a favorite tree area – a place in the city park (In your car. Get your little grape juice and crackers. Get alone. Get your Terry MacAlmon praise recording on and feel His presence. Feel His anointing."

Listen, if I'm going to masturbate, liquid Crisco will have NOTHING to do with it.

I am completely creeped out. I just don't get it. I don't understand how people actually fall into this shit. That people actually believe it. We don't believe that Jack really climbed a beanstock grown from "magic" beans, so why would we believe this shit?

Daily Show Genius

2005-01-07T11:54:00.000-07:00

Don't despair Jon. I DO know you're alive.

I love the Daily Show.

Being a journalism major, I am constantly analyzing the value of news organizations.Although the Daily Show is a comedy show, and makes no attempt at objectivity, I believe that the program is wholly more newsworthy than many major networks.

The truth is that objectivity is a fallacy. How can a human being observe anything objectively? We all have historical circumstances and individual thought processes that prevent us from objectivity.

Without even attempting objectivity, the Daily Show acheives impartiality by presenting news in a format that begs to be criticized. I've always believed that humor provides a medium that allows one to draw their own conclusions about a certain subject.

For example, I usually don't enjoy conversation about infidelity, drug use or alcholism. I am very uncomfortable with all three of these things. But when I am watching or listening to a comedian talk on any number of uncomfortable subjects, I can listen objectively, because I am looking for the comedic value. I can laugh at things that would normally cause discomfort or anger. And after the laughing is done, a serious subject has now entered my mind from a completely different prospective.

Humor is a great way to discuss controversial issues because you are forcing your audience to laugh at something that angers them.
The Daily Show is an incredibly important voice for America.

Jon Stewart being dreamy helps too.

Poor Ashlee Simpson

2005-01-06T09:39:00.000-07:00

I'm not necessarily a big fan of pop icons, but I genuinely feel sorry for Ashlee Simpson.
Failure after miserable failure.
You would think that SOMEONE would have said to her, "Ashlee, stage presence is kind of important."
Please Ashlee, for all of us, no more live performances.
Become a puppeteer or something.
Either way, I'm sure she's crying all the way to the bank.

New Year Predictions

2004-12-31T16:39:00.000-07:00

Gloomy day. I guess we won't be going to Wolf Creek this evening. Really breaks my heart.

I've been thinking about the tsunamis.

The 9.0 magnitude earthquake that caused the tsunamis happened on Dec. 26th. Three days before, there was an 8.1 off the coast of New Zealand.

Until the 26th, the 8.1 was the largest earthquake of the year. It didn't cause any tsunamis because the earthquake was along a strike-slip fault.

These were both huge earthquakes. And the fact that they occured in such a small time period leads me to belive that there is some crazy tectonic activity going on. I think we will be seeing some major events occur.

I'm a geology nerd.

Happy New Year.

Productivity is Overrated

2004-12-30T15:54:00.000-07:00

I must say that today has been the most interesting day at work for quite some time. The boss is out, so I have done nothing of value. Nothing.
The crowning achievement of my day was finding a white jumpsuit in our broom closet. I put it on, along with a new mop head as a wig. Topped off the whole outfit with a hardhat. Just think, these three priceless items could have gone unnoticed for years. It's comforting knowing that miracles DO happen.
It's also my dad's birthday today. The big 5-7. It is always hard to calculate his age because he was born on December 30th, so you always think he's a year older. Of course, the wisdom of old age doesn't really hit until your 60, in my opinion. Or at least until you have grandkids to dupe into thinking you're wise.
Good news..I don't have to go to work tomorrow, so the day will be spent getting ready to go to snowboarding. We're going to go to Wolf Creek, which is truly the best place remotely close to Albuquerque.
No big New Year plans. I feel kind of like a loser being 21 and not really giving a shit about New Year's Eve. I'm just a little tired of partying. It's like fake fun. Like when you go to a conference or orientation and they make you play a game and tell you that "we're going to have some fun!" That sort of thing.
It doesn't happen that way. Everyone just assumes that if we all get super drunk, the fun will automatically follow. I mean, I am not saying that it CAN'T, but it's forcing it, once again. I just don't like forced fun, and New Year's Eve is like
"Oh my god, it's New Year's Eve, we are going to have SO MUCH FUN!", there's all this pressure to have a good time. Good times come when you don't feel pressured to enjoy yourself. The sad reality of it is: fun cannot be planned. Fun happens automatically.
Anyway, I guess I ought to get back to "work." There's a raincoat and some galloshes in the broom closet. We'll see what we can do with those little gems.

The Slacking Ends Here

2004-12-29T11:00:00.002-07:00

I haven't really added any thing in months, but perhaps with the new year, I will resolve to blog more often.
"Blog"..what a trendy little word. Was it really necessary to shorten "weblog?"
Well, since the last post, many things have happened. I bought a house, in the ghetto. If you've ever seen COPS, I am sure that your impression of Albuquerque is a pretty crappy one. Well, while I can say that not all of Albuquerque is represented on COPS, it is not an entirely inaccurate depiction. At least what you see on COPS, is certainly what you get...in my neighborhood.
There are at least three houses on my street where drugs are either made, or at least distributed. And I am not just talking pot. If it was just pot I wouldn't really care. Potheads aren't scary, they're comical. No no no, these folks are tried and true meth-heads, and/or crackheads.
I don't get it. Why would you sell crack out of your home? That is bringing CRACKHEADS into your neighborhood. That's like shitting in your bed. Pigs don't even shit in their beds.
Being the little blond girl who lives alone is not the most desireable position. The thing is, my house is nice. My property is nice. So when I am not looking outside, I don't notice that my home is a tropical island surrounded by a sea of shit.
My house isn't the only nice house on the block. There are many homes that are well kept where nice people and families live. But they don't do anything about the shitstorm because they are afraid of retaliation. I went through that stage. Now, I just call the cops for every stupid, trivial little thing.
If someone's dog is in the street, I call the cops. If I hear someone yelling past 9 PM, I call the cops. If someone is watering their lawn on a no-water day, I call the cops. Anything to get them into my neighborhood.
Unfortunately, I have work to do. Bye.