12.24.2006

Toilet Seats Can't Hurt You

I HATE toilet seat covers. What is WRONG with you? Are you THAT bored? Are you THAT afraid?


If you seriously think that you can get some disease from a toilet seat, your F*CKING CRAZY.


Just stay home, because if you think a permeable sheet of tissue paper is going to protect you from anything, you're a complete retard.


Worst case scenario... There's piss all over the toilet seat. If you use a toilet seat cover, it soaks up the urine, and your ass STILL gets piss all over it.


And you know, I'm a victim of toilet seat crimes. I actually sat in SH*T in a porta-potty. Yeah, sh*t. Somebody else's SH*T. And you know what, I think about that day and all I can think is "Jesus, if only I had put down some toilet paper. If I could just go back and cover that sh*t with some absorbent paper, maybe it would have saved me." Sure.


The truth is, I wish the person who shit all over the seat hadn't been so God damned paranoid about "disease" because if they were F*CKING normal, they would have sat the f*ck down, and taken a sh*t , IN THE HOLE, like everybody else.

Toilet seat covers encourage people to shit and piss all over toilet seats. They enforce the idea that there is something dirty about toilet seats, so you f*cking sheep hover and spray your waste all over the once sanitary surface, ruining days for SANE people.

THERE IS NOTHING ON A TOILET SEAT THAT IS GOING TO HURT YOU.

Maybe I'M the crazy one. Maybe tissue really can protect you from bacteria or infectious diseases. I guess that's why doctors operate with tissue paper gloves. And when someone has ebola, they put them in a tissue paper hut so that they don't infect anyone else. And the army makes their bulletproof armor out of tissue paper. Maybe tissue paper can pretty much protect you from anything.

So when you're opening your christmas gifts, save all of that valuable tissue paper, because it could mean the difference between life or death.


Logic is totally wasted on people ruled by fear...

2 comments:

Bonnie said...

You know even Doc's write that you can't get anything from a toilet seat. Here I thought I was weird because I hated those too!

riva said...

It's so much fun to get the bonus from the seat after one of those considerate people have been in the john.